New Years Evolutions

TLDR: Use brain science! Don’t focus on huge change for New Years Resolutions - you’ll crap out. Instead, focus on the WHY, and all the little “hows” that will get you there.

There are a million posts and articles out there about New Years Resolutions. Get healthy, kick that habit. Start the new thing. Read all the books. Become a better person.

The message is clear: There’s some magical threshold between December 31 and January 1 each year that offers an opportunity for change, a do over, a fix. Usually this message is connected to capitalism - if you would just buy this product, you’ll have it all together.

What most folks find is these well-intended changes are short-lived - as soon as the excitement fades, or the Jan 1 super-sale closes, so does any possibility for change. New Years Resolutions start out hard and fast - you join the six week transformation program at the gym, or sign yourself up for the self-help book club that will surely sort your stuff out. If you’re like most people, (myself included) as soon as you miss a workout for the first time, or break the streak, the motivation is gone. Whatever change-portal opened up on December 31 is slammed shut. Maybe next year.

Big sparkly changes can be tantalizing - make sure to focus on your why and your hows.

In my practice (and I mean my LIFE practice - I’m practicing at life. It’s the first time I’ve been today-years old) I find that slow and steady is the way. Our brains love patterns and repetitions, and that can work for us when we’re trying something new. It means that if we want to implement a new practice or skill, we have to repeat it a bunch of times for our brain to recognize it as a pattern. Then it becomes habit, and then skill. Soon that new shiny thing is familiar and practiced.

The trick to creating sustainable change is to focus on all the bits that lead up to the change you want to make. Take a big goal and break it down to a couple of things - a why and a how….the bigger the why and the smaller the how, the better.

A personal example - I have been going to the gym and working out for the better part of 10 years. I come from a very non-athletic family, I hated PE, never felt confident in my own physical ability. Historically, this is not an area where I excel, but somewhere along the way, I had learned that lifting weights has incredible impacts on longevity and wellbeing. Both my parents died very young, and as I hit my 30’s I noticed some of my health numbers moving in ways that were not encouraging. It was scary. I wanted to be around to see my child grow up and launch into the world (my big WHY)….so I need my “hows” - a bunch of little ones. That’s what I focused on. I spent time learning about how to move my body safely in the gym (we’re talking learning the very basics. Hit me up if you’re like, how do you use a BENCH at the gym?), I found a supportive crew of people to work out with by joining a small group class, I set an alarm each night before the gym to organize my gym bag and fill my water bottle and get it all loaded into the car, I arranged child care so I could fit it into my life logistically, and about 10 other things that I focused on each week….

All of these “hows” take time - some of them are habits and goals within themselves. I had to practice them OVER and OVER again so that I could make them happen seamlessly in my life. Now they’re a pattern that I repeat multiple times a week without thinking about it too much…If I had just set a resolution like “Get Buff,” or “Lose 20 pounds,” I may have never gotten past that first week of January. By finding the big why (don’t die too early if you can help it), and my little “hows” (get your ducks in a row and set yourself up for success, on REPEAT) and practicing at all the “hows,” I was able to sustain my forward progress.

This way of creating sustainable change also leaves room for humanness. The fact that you’ll forget your gym shoes every now and again, or child care will cancel, or the car won’t start…but then I can adjust the approach on that particular “how” and try again next time. I’m still moving forward.

If you’re feeling some pressure to make some change, reach out - we can chat about your big WHY, and help you integrate all the HOWS into your life.